Bird’s Eye: Three amusing parodies or comments on life online, and one essential viewing. Watch “Welcome to Life”, a hilariously brilliant summary of where current trends might take us. And really, the others are pretty good.
* Welcome to Life Youtube 2 minutes
* Sharing on the Internet Teddy Wayne The New Yorker
…all I need to do is be self-referential about the technology you all use and I’ll replicate like the virus in “Contagion,” a movie that, if any of you saw it, will inspire you to now post me to the “Contagion” Facebook page. Look: “The Hunger Games,” “The Smurfs,” “ ‘The Smurfs’ Meets ‘Shame.’ ” This is too easy.
Hmm . . . What kind of ominous, doctored statistic can I make up? Did you know that twenty-four per cent of Facebook users have unwittingly divulged their credit-card information to third-party venders? Or that iPhone owners are more likely to suffer from thumb-stress-induced depression? Or that having an Android means you possess the gene for racism? True or not, you’ll post it, and fourteen of your friends will comment and repost it and feign concern about privacy issues and worry that they’re sad racists with carpal-tunnel syndrome, although they’ll stay online because they’re addicted and their lives are too humdrum for them to care about the protection thereof anyway.
What will Mark Zuckerberg do next? Who cares! You do, in an involuntary, Pavlovian way, which is why you’re reading me when you should be outdoors, talking with a loved one, listening to live music, knitting, doing nearly anything else! Make a limp statement about your technocratic dictator that masquerades as wit, you enslaved peon, and pass me on!
Interesting article—I’m referring to myself—about the death of bookstores and print media you just posted. Way to stave off the inevitable end in a gesture whose irony you seem to be only vaguely aware of. Put it on the “I Know the Difference Between Irony and Sarcasm” fan page!
* Traps pw0nd.com
* A Letter from Mark Zuckerberg Borowitz Report
Dear Potential Investor:
For years, you’ve wasted your time on Facebook. Now here’s your chance to waste your money on it, too. Tomorrow is Facebook’s IPO, and I know what some of you are thinking. How will Facebook be any different from the dot-com bubble of the early 2000’s?
For one thing, those bad dot-com stocks were all speculation and hype, and weren’t based on real businesses. Facebook, on the other hand, is based on a solid foundation of angry birds and imaginary sheep. Second, Facebook is the most successful social network in the world, enabling millions to share information of no interest with people they barely know.
…One last thing: what will, I, Mark Zuckerberg, do with the $18 billion I’m expected to earn from Facebook’s IPO? Well, I’m considering buying Greece, but that would still leave me with $18 billion. LOL.
Friend me,
Mark


